What Does Your Body Language and Eye Contact Reveal in a Conversation?
Only 7% of your last conversation involved words
KEY POINTS
- How your subconscious mind reads nonverbal communication
- How eye language defines a conversation
- A body language quiz to test your skills
- Links to free body language courses
Listening is arguably the most underrated skill in the world.
I was talking to my friend some time ago, and as we were parting, she looked at me and said, “Are you okay with that?’ I replied, “Yes, all good, I’ll sort it.” And as I walked out of the coffee shop, I realized I had no idea what I was going to sort!
This got me thinking. How good at listening am I? And what exactly is a good listener? More importantly, just what are listening skills?
So I went deep and came up with revelations that still surprise me.
The significance of body language, especially eye contact, is the difference in effective communication and the ability to enhance relationships.
“The eyes shout what the lips fear to say.” — William Henry
I share here the skills that have made me a better listener, improved my life, relationships, and health, and how I’m able to learn something new every day.
How listening and hearing differ
Hearing and listening are often used in the same context, which is inaccurate. Hearing is the process of perceiving sound through your ears, whilst listening is an active skill that involves paying attention and focusing on what you hear.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen R. Covey
What is hearing?
Hearing is our ability to recognize sounds. It doesn’t require any effort, and we do not have to focus any attention on it. You’re watching television; however, you can still hear the sound of traffic, a dog barking, and people laughing outside.
Moving on to listening
Listening is the act of consciously attempting to understand words and sounds. It’s awareness to comprehend a message to hear, understand, and physically or verbally respond. It’s voluntary.
Listening with the intent to understand is active listening. Active listening is essential in building relationships, empathizing with others, and solving problems.
This would be fantastic if we could be an active participant every time we conversed; however, realistically, we can’t.
Listening can be mentally tiring. It takes concentration, effort, and self-restraint.
Reasons you don’t listen according to PsychCentral:
- You think you know what people are thinking
- You’re distracted with your life issues
- You have the urge to tell your story.
- You want to give advice.
- You’re fatigued
- You’re bored
Which means if we were talking now, you’d probably have already tuned out. But this is so riveting I’ve got you ’til the end! 😋
Body language plays an integral role in how we communicate information with others
So, what exactly is body language?
It’s when we subconsciously read the other person’s nonverbal messages. Our bodies are communicating with each other during a conversation which can reveal your true feelings and give your message more impact.
Your nonverbal cues, tone of voice, eye contact, gestures, and posture are all involved. Your face, eyes, and body can deliver a whole conversation for you. A simple movement can speak volumes.
There have been numerous studies done on body language. In a research by Dr. Albert Mehrabian, he derived the “7–38–55 Rule of Personal Communication”: 7 percent of meaning is expressed through spoken word, 38 percent through tone of voice, and 55 percent is nonverbal.
Eye contact and how it can control a conversation
I was aware of the significance of eye connection when talking; however, not to the extent I discovered with my research.
For example, it can be far more intimidating than words. Pure eye contact, no words, can stimulate emotions of joy and anger. And, of course, a smile will always play a significant part!😊
Benefits of eye contact
Eye contact helps others remember what you said. Even in a video call, researchers found that a direct gaze for 30% of the interaction significantly increases recall of the conversation.
Eye contact helps self-awareness. Eye contact can help your awareness of what’s presently occurring within your body, according to research from the University of Paris. They found that you become more self-conscious when you’re making deliberate eye contact than when you’re avoiding it.
Eye contact stimulates attraction. Research shows that humans find other people more attractive when they make eye connection. No eye contact can indicate a lack of confidence. Smiling can also help create attraction.
If you are interested in the role of your eyes in a conversation, a couple of recommended websites are here and here.
A key question.
What effect does your body have on your performance?
Amy Cuddy is a professor and researcher at Harvard Business School, where she studies how nonverbal behavior and spontaneous judgments affect people. Her research reveals you can change other people’s perceptions — and even your body chemistry — simply by changing your body position.
In her TED talk, which has almost 66 million views, she says, “We know our minds can change our bodies but can our bodies change our minds?”
If you’re about to go into an interview, do a public talk, or go on a first date, she says for just two minutes, hold the power pose. Your body is now telling you that you’ll be okay; you can handle this.
She says, “Don’t fake it till you make it; fake it till you become it.”
James Clear’s piece “How to Be Confident and Reduce Stress in 2 Minutes Per Day” is a brilliant example of how to calm your mind and improve any daily tension immediately by using power poses.
I recommend these sites, and if you can think of other positive body actions that will improve your mind-body connection, definitely try them out and feel the emotional transformation.
So, how are your body language reading skills? Here’s a test from Science of People.
Keeping it simple. Here’s how body language skills have helped me daily in conversations.
Firstly I smile. If it’s inappropriate, I’ll smile internally as this relaxes me. I initiate eye contact with an open posture. All this makes me feel in control of myself, so I can listen with an open mind.
This is major. As I now have mind-body control, I let go and back my intuition. This enables the conversation to evolve naturally.
It has taken me a while to get into this default practice, and it will probably be a continual work in progress.
However, I know I have progressed significantly, as after what used to be intense work conversations, I now feel so much more relaxed afterward and can recall what was discussed with more clarity.
I can also give the person I’m talking to respect and total attention.
Nowadays, I feel more comfortable and confident when I am engaged in a conversation. I remember and learn more about the person I am talking to. Stranger, work colleague, or friend.
The key to improving your listening skills is to practice what you’ve picked up here and elsewhere.
I hope this has been of some help to you. Here are some links to three free body language courses to help you in your progress to enjoy your day just that much more.
